The Early Beatles (cont.)

The Beatles on Granada TVDodd: “We call it hair (he pronounces if ‘hurr’) in Liverpool….you see we always have the judy with the fair (he pronounces it furr) hair. A fellow once went into a shop in Liverpool where they sell those minks and things and he said to the girl, ‘Give us one of those hairy coats.’ She said, ‘I beg your pardon, sir, what fur?’ He said, ‘For the judy, who do you think?’”

Byrne: (to the Beatles) “Do you think he owes a lot of his success to his hairstyle, fellas?”

John: “No. I don’t think it helped at all.”

George: “It might have been better if he was bald.”

Dodd: “Bald!...With the teeth and the hair, all the gimmicks, you know, I think you definitely have to have a gimmick. You’ve all got gimmicks, haven’t you, boys?”

Byrne: “What about the nose?”

Dodd: “The nose…(he looks at Ringo and points. Everybody laughs). He’s a Martian! We were writing this film script for the boys. You know, the boys are making this new film and we’ve been writing the script and we’ve cast Ringo in the role of King Charles on account of the thing, you know, and he goes along to Nell Gwynn and picks her jaffas.”

Byrne: “Tell us more about this picture, we didn’t know about this.”

Dodd: “Oh yes, we’ve written the thing. I’m writing the script, yes, with Knotty Ash University…he’s King Charles, John is a courtier and in this film he wears a long golden wig with all beautiful curls.”

John: (camping it up): “Oh, very nice.”

Dodd: “…and a blue velvet jacket and like, sort of knickerbockers, with lace round the bottom and buckled shoes with diamante clips on and he sort of walks round on the film set and there’s a policeman standing at the side, says he’ll pinch him when he comes off.”

Byrne: “And what’s he supposed to be doing, though?”

Dodd: “Well, John, he’s a peasant. (Then, pointing at George) He’s an evil sort.”

Commenting on the fact that Ken appears to have mistaken George for John, Paul and John say, “He’s Tom, Harry.”

Dodd: “Well, thingy. He’s an evil smelly peasant.”

Byrne: “Why is he an evil smelly peasant?”

Dodd: “Come and stand where I am…and Paul is a jester, you see, and he’s always making the King laugh. Every time he stands on his head the King laughs like anything – he wears a kilt!”

Byrne: “Getting back to the group, then, have you no ambitions to form a group yourself?”

Dodd: “Love to. With the boys? Kenny and the Cockroaches or Doddy and the Diddymen.”

Byrne: “What about yourself, would you….”

Dodd: “Or Ringo and the Layabouts.”

Byrne: Would you not form one yourself, Ken?”

Dodd: “Yes, I’d like to. Yes, because the thing is, I’d have to change me name, you see. I’d have to have a name like Cliff or Rock, something earthy.”

Paul: “Or Cliff Dodd…Rock Dodd.”

Dodd: “Let’s invite suggestions for an earthy name for me.”

John: “Sod!”

To the sound of ‘All My Loving,’ the Beatles are next shown arriving in Liverpool on a British Eagle plane. Alighting with them are Brian Epstein, David Jacobs, Derek Taylor and Mal Evans. A press conference is held at the airport.

Press: “Welcome home boys, what’s it feel like to come back to a big Civic Reception like this?”

George: “Very nice.”

Press: “Did you ever imagine that this day was coming?”

Paul: “Never like this. I mean, we used to come ‘ere spotting the plane numbers and things. I never imagined we’d come back to this.”

Press: “Well now, you’ve all made a fortune. Have you got any future ambitions?”

John: “I haven’t got any on me.”

Press: “Oh no. I didn’t want to borrow any, John. Have you got any future in mind now? Any other ambitions?”

John: “I dunno, I’d like to make more films. We’d all like to do that ‘cause it’s good fun, you know. It’s hard work but you can have a good laugh in films.”

Press: “What about you, Ringo?”

Ringo: “The same…I enjoy films.”

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