Dear Lily,
I’ve been having an online “relationship” with this guy for a few months.
He’s really nice, and his picture is gorgeous. We’ve talked on the phone
almost every night for the past 3 weeks, and now he wants to meet. My problem is that I told him I am 5’5”
and 125 pounds, and when he asked for a photo I sent him a photo from 6 years ago
when I really looked like that. Right now I am
closer to 165 pounds, and though I still think I look good, I’m worried about what
he’ll feel when he sees me. What should I do?
Dieting in Denver
Dear D.D.,
Well, you’ve truly made your bed on this one. Ms.
Lily is in full agreement with those who have little patience for guys (or gals) who
refuse to meet anyone who doesn’t shape up to their physical ideal. Most people
you ask would agree (or they’d say they agree) that physical beauty is just that
– physical – and what really counts is underneath. But in a way, you’ve
already blown that approach by lying to this guy. Can
he trust the “true” you when you’ve misrepresented yourself? Get back online with this guy today, and send him
a recent picture that really does look like you. Write
him a letter in which you explain what happened (you sounded so nice that I didn’t
want to miss the opportunity to meet you etc., etc.,), and apologize. Then you might propose a meeting. If he says no,
he’s probably not the kind of guy you were looking for anyway. And if he says yes,
great. But look out; maybe he’s been guilty of a bit of online photo-editing himself.
Dear Lily,
I’m a member of an online chat group with about 50 members. We are all divorced
single parents, and our conversations revolve around handling our relationships with our
kids and our exes. One of the rules of the group is that we shouldn’t get emotionally
involved with our online friends because this can lead to divisiveness and a lack of trust
in the group. There’s this one woman in the group I’ve grown really close to,
and we’d like to meet and maybe even date. We’ve been corresponding privately
now for a few months. Do you think it would be wrong if we got together.
C.L.
Dear C. L.,
The
beauty of these online support groups is that they allow people from all different
backgrounds to come together and make friends. You
feel less lonely and isolated and you may get some good advice and information into the
bargain. Your group cannot legally restrain you
from meeting each other. If you choose to contact
one of them privately, that remains your own business. If you are uncomfortable with
“breaking the rules”, you might consider resigning from the group, or you might
just give it some time and see if anything develops with this woman. If it does, you could
consider quitting the group then, or you could just not tell anyone. On the other hand, you may find that there are
others in the group in your situation, and they may be happy for you that you’ve
found someone you really care about. Regardless
of your decision, though your online friends deserve your respect, you cannot allow the
“group” to dictate your personal relationships.
